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LUMPS OF COAL

SANTA'S SLAY (2005) (CONTAINS SPOILERS)

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Directed By:
David Steiman

Starring:
Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emilie de Ravin, Robert Culp and Fran Drescher

Rated R
Genre: Horror
Format Used: Blockbuster DVD
Contains: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language, Nudity

THE PLOT:

Two thousand years ago the son of God and the Son of Satan is born, the son of Satan gets the anagram name Santa and his evil spreads. An angel bets Santa that if he can beat him at curling that Santa would have to be good for 1,000 years.

The Angel wins and for a thousand years Santa's rein of terror has halted. But the time is up and Santa is looking for a little payback on the Angel he thinks cheated him out of 1,000 years of fun.

ZEDD'S OPINION:

First of all, what? What the hell those that mean? Santa is an anagram of Satan so he has to be evil? What the hell kind of logic you call that? If you look at the director who also wrote this, he's jewish. This is somekind of payback for the whole THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, well that is petty. The news is not all bad, I can see why some people might like this. The effects are good, the writing is clever and Goldberg has fun as evil Santa. But I still can't get by the premise, the whole concept is stupid. That would be like turning Moses into a serial killer and for the record, that's not a reindeer, that's an ox. Somebody needs to get their eyes examined. They wouldn't like that, now would they. This is a very naughty movie and I have to give it THE LUMP OF COAL.

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VOLTRON'S OPINION:

I couldn't agree more about this. I mean really, in the early eighties a movie called SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT and moralist threw a fit about it and that was just a man dressed as Santa murdering people. In this movie it is Santa Claus murdering people and not a bloody peep from these people. What? Are they affraid to complain because it was written by a Jew? Or is it because no deaf mailman gets shot by Police, either way I'm saying it. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! Avoid taking a ride of SANTA'S SLAY. By the way I did some research and they didn't have Curling a thousand years ago! I to give this bad movie THE LUMP OF COAL.

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ON THE POSITIVE SIDE (+ HITS):

+ CLEVER WRITING (There is some clever writing in this.)
+ FUNNY (It's funny in places.)
+ EFFECTS (I got to admit the effects are good.)
+ CAMEOES (Interesting cameoes.)

ON THE NEGATIVE SIDE (- MISSES):

- CONCEPT (This whole movie was payback for the MEL GIBSON movie which they felt was anti-Jewish and that's just sour grapes.)
- SATAN'S SON (Saying Santa Claus is evil just because his first name is an anagram of Satan is a piss poor stretch.)
- EVIL SANTA (The concept might have worked, I would have went a different directions. If you want to know how I would have wrote it go to CONTACT ME and ask.)
- NO CURLING (They didn't have Curing 1,000 years ago.)
- NOT A REINDEER (That's quite clearly an OX.)

- WRONG (It was wrong to turn Santa into a monster just because you didn't like the Mel Gibson's PASSION OF THE CHRIST, it's petty and childish.)

...AND FINALLY...

- SANTA FANS (If you are a fan of that ripe jolly old elf, then avoid this movie like the plague.)

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